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First Time Reports (1)

Prologue

This is a fairly disjoint series of writings describing how I felt when I decided to try naturism. In retrospect, one of my main reasons for trying this a reaction to my proverbial "guilty Catholic" background. I was rebelling. The idea of going nude, anywhere, was and still is considered Young. At least in my background; the Vatican is finally starting to waffle on that, but not the ultra conservative French-Canadian mindset I came from. For reasons I don't quite know, I kept a "log" of how I felt when I decided to try this. Those disorganized notes follow. Try not to laugh too hard.

Part I: (dated late January, 1999)

I started exploring naturism on a lark. One day at work, one of the magazines that came into the library (Sierra, I think) had a small ad for the Bare Necessities cruise agency. The ad featured a profile picture of a woman watching a sunset. She was obviously nude, but the picture was anything but sexual or graphic.

The ad included their web address, so just for fun, a co-worker and I went to the site, got past their questionnare with a pack of lies, and started reading. Keep in mind that the co-worker in question was female. We looked over the site, and got a few laughs from it. Why did we laugh? I don't know. The people shown there were obviously enjoying themselves, so perhaps we were laughing from envy that neither one of us had the guts to do something like that.

I went back to that site the following evening, from my computer at home, only this time I took a serious look at what the site had to offer. Mind you it will be quite some time before I can afford a cruise like that, if ever. But perhaps that isn't important. By following other links I found that there are many different ways to enjoy the Naturist lifestyle. At this point I started to remember some of the "naughty" things I did when I was younger. Namely, going for a nude romp in the forest near my home. I don't remember what it was like; all I can remember is the excitement of doing something so culturally forbidden and *getting away with it.*

And there was the night I went for a walk along the railroad tracks during a scorching hot, moonlit summer night. It was almost 90 degres out, and it was around 10 PM. I remember standing on the railroad tracks and for some reason taking my t-shirt off, pulling down my shorts, and enjoying the breeze. I only stood there for a few moments, beause I was sure that if someone saw me I would be arrested. But I remember how nice the slight breeze felt on regions of my body that are normally covered with cloth.

That was several years ago. Today, if put in the same situation, I would carry a small backpack, and rather than simply stand on the tracks, I would put my clothes into the pack and continue to hike down the tracks. I would go all the way to the lake near the old quarry, listen to the crickets, and just enjoy being, well, natural.

A moonlight hike through the forest; sort of a variation on the time honored moonlight swim. Trouble is, that area has seen a lot of development in recent years, so the chances of me getting all the way to the lake are pretty small. But, there are plenty of lakes, and plenty of railroad tracks. I'm sure I'll find something eventually.

Part II: (February - March)

I don't know exactly when it started, but I think it was during an unseasonably warm spell in January of 1999. I would normally come home and immediately get out of my "work clothes" (dress clothes, jacket, tie, the works) and into what I considered real clothes: jeans and either a T-shirt or sweatshirt.

By this point I had been sleeping in the nude for some time. That was mostly out of convienence. I owned a set of pajamas, a throw back to my guilt ridden Catholic upbringing, but they are old and need replacing. I haven't bothered to replace them, and have been sleeping in the nude almost every night for the past several months. I found sleeping nude to be far more comfortable, and I seemed to be sleeping better. But then, is anyone going to slam me for sleeping nude? Lots of people do it. If it was illegal, lots of people would be in jail.

Back to the heat spell. I got home from work, and as usual I headed for those wonderful jeans and t-shirt. But I was so uncomfortable from a day full of meetings, an overheated office, and crowded trains, that I decided to take a shower first. So, I took a long, leasurely shower, then went back into the bedroom to change. But for some reason I never put on the jeans and tee. I found the warm air of my apartment to be so soothing and comfortable, that again I decided what the heck, and remained in my birthday suit. I locked the door to my apartment. No one was going to disturb my inner sanctum, and no one was going to tell me to put my clothes on. At least not that night.

That was weeks ago, and now I frequently spend time nude. Sometimes a draft comes into the building, or I have to walk to other parts of the building, and in those cases I go back to the good 'ol jeans and t-shirts. But I have found nudity to be so relaxing and comfortable, that at the end of the working day I can actually feel the heat and persperation of my body straining to escape from under my clothes. When I have the choice, I strip down to nothing but my eyeglasses and wristwatch.

Part III (looking back from several months later)

When I wrote that last part, in early April, I hadn't yet attempted social nudity. The prospect made me extremely anxious, but still, I wanted to try it. Given my history of low self-esteem, this was surprising. For as long as I can remember the notion of going to a place with other people and walking around with my penis hanging out and my buttocks in plan view was unthinkable. But I wasn't only thinking about it, I thought it might be fun!

As with many men, one concern was my hormones. The first night I went nude, I had a recurring erection, perhaps because I was enjoying something that my guilt riddled Catholic upbringing said was Young. I was breaking someone's law, doing something forbidden, and I was getting away with it! Sort of an "in your face" type of statement. It was as if I was telling the stress-filled world to go fly a kite. So long as I was in the safety of my locked apartment, my inner sanctom, my clothes were unnecessary. The world couldn't reach me without making a racket, and I greatly enjoyed that fact.

A few weeks went past, and my body still seemed to be enjoying the "novelty" of being nude. I was constantly aware that I could have an erection at any moment, but over time I noticed that a "stimulant" was needed. The site of a naked woman didn't immediately get me going. I assumed that was a good sign.

I will also confess that I don't consider myself very attractive, and a lot of the time I'm a bundle of nervous knots, thanks to a history of emotional problems. But I've been slowly recovering on that front; this may turn out to be another phase of that.

Part IV (April)

I've been spending a lot of time on the Internet surfing the various nudist and naturist web sites. I've been reading different accounts of what it's like to be a Naturist, and on the whole I'm encouraged. I don't consider nudism a mortal sin. Ill-advised under most circumstances perhaps, but not it's not a guaranteed ticket to Hell.

I'm a little concerned about what my family and long time friends would think of my little foray in naturism. If I get serious about it, they are bound to find out sooner or later. I'm also single, but I don't plan on remaining so for my entire life. I hope that when I find that special someone, she's open to the idea of social nudity (if she's not already a practitioner). These are all things I'll have to deal with sooner or later, but for the moment, I'll let them come to me. As a wise person once told me, "don't borrow trouble."

During my nude web surfing I've been paying special attetion to the illustrations. Everyone in them is either nude or very close to nude, and while a few of the illustrations are sexually charged, most of them are not. These are just pepole having a good time, and no more. They don't happen to have clothes on; part of their fun seems to come from the fact that they are without clothes. Innocent, and totally free of everything the world has ever imposed on them. I envy them.

I guess what I'm trying to do is adjust my mindset to accept the idea of non-sexual group nudity; perhaps I'm trying to desensitize myself to the image of seeing nude people, or at least remove or diminish the sexual overtone that society has grafted into me. I've been trying to imagine myself being in the scene, perhaps as the camera man, or just beside the camera man. I try to convince myself that the people in the picture can see me, and I'm just as naked as they are. I don't know if this working or not. It remains to be seen.

But I did notice something a few nights back. One of the sites I passed showed a very attractive and shapely woman in her early twenties, using the cargo net of a sailing ship as a hammok. She is reclining in the net, which is suspended over water at the bow end of the ship. The sun is shining on her, and the spray from the ship's bowsprit is gently spraying her backside. She is, of course, naked. The first time I saw that photograph, my reaction was "Wow! What a babe! And she's naked!" But when I saw it the second time, my reaction was "Hey, she looks happy, and that looks like a lot of fun!"

I assume that's encouraging. Again, it remains to be seen.

Part V: Today

It is now late May, and I've been to two clothing optional events with a local non-landed club. I can honestly say that I will avoid wearing a swim suit from this moment on! After feeling water glide over my entire body, without anything blocking it, I can't imagine swimming any other way. I'm hooked. I want to attend more events, and I'm looking into doing just that. Only a few of my friends, and almost none of my family know that I'm doing this. I'll deal with that issue if and when it ever becomes an issue. I was surprised to discover that one of my long time net friends is a fellow practitioner! Small world, no? And perhaps not as bleak as I thought.

Being a single male, I know that my options for experiencing Naturism are limited. Some of the singles on the net make a stink about this. Personally I'm just going to adjust, and enjoy what I can. Like I said above, I don't plan to be single forever. When my status as a bachelor starts to become a problem, I'll adjust at that time. But until then, I won't borrow trouble.

This little woman I call Dream Maker I met about five years ago. After a divorce of a 20 year marriage. I have always been a nudist but I could not get my X to go for it. So after 20 years I found my dream maker. We have been together for five years now, we go to nudist campgrounds. She comes home from work and she gets nude and stays that way till she gets ready for work the next morning. I love her very much and would not take the world for her.

When I come home the first thing I do is get undressed. If people come over I do not get dressed and she does not complain. Because she knows I am a Nudist and always will be and she loves me for being me. And I love her for being a nudist too.

The last five years has been the happiest of my life.

Technically I guess my first time was when I was a teenager in the Boy Scouts back in the 50's. When we went camping we never took swimsuits; skinnydipping was the approved form.

The next occurrence was my freshman year at college. The first quarter (Georgia Tech was on a quarter, not a semester, system) I had the required swimming course. There were only a few women students at Georgia Tech at that time, and they were not in the men's Physical Education courses - I don't know if they were required to take PE or not. The first day I reported to class, we were marched into the locker room and told to strip and jump in the pool. The standard attire for swimming throughout the entire quarter was the birthday suit.

Other than those instances I remained clothed in public, except in the gang showers we had in the dormitory and fraternity house, and the gang showers on board ship in the Navy. My training as a child was that being naked in the presence of the opposite sex was sinful/shameful, except for the person to whom one was married. So for lo these many years I have disciplined myself to wear clothes at all times except when changing clothes or taking a shower, even though I have never LIKED wearing clothes; in fact I have always hated it.

In recent years, in the interest of comfort, I have taken to being nude in the house when alone at home; but I always put my clothes back on before my wife returned, because I guess I had been indoctrinated to think that my desire to be without clothes was "naughty". Then last year I saw the AP article about the gathering of Christian naturists at Whispering Pines (it appeared in the Washington Post). It piqued my curiosity. A little while later I was cruising the web, and I came across the Christian Naturist web site maintained by "Pastor Mark". It intrigued me to learn that there were indeed Christians - even Christian pastors - who considered nudism/naturism right and natural.

In September 1997 I decided I would no longer put my clothes back on when my wife was present in the house, as it seemed a bit hypocritical. More research on the web led me to Cheef Dan's site; I subscribed to his newsletter. I cruised all over the web finding information to support this concept of freedom being OK. I investigated clubs; unfortunately, I found that as a married man whose wife is "not interested" in participating in social nudity - not even willing to be in the presence of nude folks, even if she remains clothed - I am a pariah to most of the clubs. I communicated with a couple of travel clubs locally and was told very plainly that I could not join or even visit unless my wife also did so. Finally I got in touch with Turner Stokes at National Capital Sun Club and was able to join, and thus join AANR. I also joined TNS through the Christian Naturist SIG.

I was going to Orlando to a conference this past January, so I decided to spend a couple of days at Cypress Cove. With my AANR and TNS memberships in hand, it was not problem arranging this. I guess this was my first experience with nudism/naturism in a social context - and it was wonderful! Now I am trying to find opportunities to continue this to whatever extent I can without involving my wife; but I am also hoping that one of these days she will decide to try it out herself!

1998

I had been a closet nudist for three years before that warm Victoria Day, when I came out of the closet and faced the world.

It all began on Victoria Day, May 21,1998. I woke up late on that hot day. During the warm months and every night now I sleep in the nude. It's the only way to sleep. I got up and did not bother getting dressed, instead I jumped into the shower. When I was finished I dried off and went about my daily routine. This time I did it differently, I did it all in the nude. What a great feeling. It was a real treat being the only one home too. So I fixed up some breakfast for myself, and ate it. Then after breakfast I started a load of laundry. Boy laundry sure piles up when you get in the "I'm too lazy to do it" mode. Then I went upstairs to where the computer is turned it on and really loved the feeling of being nude. I sat there trying to decide where I wanted to go, so I thought, and thought, and then nudism came to me.

I wondered if there was any info on nudism. So I went to YAHOO and typed in nudism and out came a long list. I saw the website for FCN The Federation of Canadian Naturists and I decided to go there first. I read through all of the info and decided to e-mail them. After that I went on reading and searching through other sites. I never expected a reply so soon, but I got one from Brenda. She and I tossed e-mails back and forth at one another as I had so many questions. She answered every one of them and understood my feelings of it all. I had all these thoughts going through my mind, but she assured me that nudism is as natural as brushing your teeth. It was then that she invited me to a women's only swim. To be honest I nearly backed out but something inside me told me to go for it. So I went for it and loved it. I then started chatting on Cybernude and joined Nudist Matchmaker. It was there that I found Sweet Mikey and a few other Torontonian Nudists. But there was one big step that I had to make and that was The Co-Ed Swim.

With a few Women's Only Swims under my belt it was time for me to go full social, and I was very scared and nervous. Everyone at Cybernude Chat did their best to ease me with it. They all understood my feelings and were so nice about it. Even after all their encouragement I did find that I was still uneasy. I did the 'should I go' or 'should I not go' all week long up until the swim and then something inside me was pushing me to go. So on a Tuesday evening I found myself at the pool in the girls changeroom, nude and very unsure of myself. And then it happened, swallowing my fear I stood up and showered, and walked towards the door and opened it a crack. I peeked out and saw several bodies of all different shapes and sizes, and then I saw Brenda. I swallowed hard again, told myself, "Let's do it" and bounded out the door. I carried my towel in one hand and walked along the deck to the shallow end and got in the pool.

I felt a relief coming over me and I knew that I was now a nudist.

November 7, 1998

boys and girls, I have to tell you what a great time I had last night at the Bare Hunters- St.Louis- Swim meeting.

I met some of the nicest people in the world. They made me feel better than when I'm home. We enjoyed each other's company in the water and the Sauna. Men and women, young and old, large and small, but it didn't mean anything. People were just being people, honesty, conversation, laughter and that wonderful feeling being nude in the water and sauna. I had no problems, no raising the flag or any embarrassment at all. It truly is a wonderful experience and not sexual in any way.

The only thing missing was my wife. I don't think she will be a part of this experience. However even if she doesn't, I'll just have to find a female partner to enjoy nudism with me. I loved that experience last night and I will not let anyone or anything keep me from it. I can see where you can really develop some very good friendships in a nude club. I'm sure glad I gave it a go. Thank you Bare Hunters- St.Louis- Austin, Don & Dottie and about thirty others you made me feel very welcome. I'm looking forward to next weekend's Hibernation Celebration. God Bless you

Bob the bagpiper

October 1998

Well, Susie's excursion into the scary unknown went pretty good! :-)))) Very good, in fact. This is my second major (pleasantly surprising) shock this year! (the first being my own decision to be a naturist eight months ago - and Susie's easy-going acceptance of the philosophy - , and learning to my delight that it was so "unsexual").

She was quite nervous at first (and for days beforehand), but then she did surprisingly well, given the additional legitimate personal reasons for her being more apprehensive than even your usual female rookie (more on that below). She met a naked man or two as we made our way up to the locker room, and she didn't blush or act nervous or anything LOL (she had gone with me to one other nudist event, but she remained clothed that time - and overcome with anxiety the whole night).

Upon disrobing, I took her right away to the hot tub. She had a towel-like robe that she wore to walk around in. At the time only Sonja and Karl were in the hot tub (and she had already met them in the locker room), so that was relatively easy for her to shed her robe and dip up to her neck in the four-foot deep tub (which had bubbly water - even more convenient for a rookie). She loved how the hot water and whirlpool jets felt (who doesn't? :-).

Then we went to the pool, 20 feet away, for a good 40-45 minutes at least. She really enjoyed that, too, and how it felt, how the water "glided" over her body. I held her up horizontally in the water and walked her across the pool, as she can't swim, so she could better feel what it was like. We chatted with another couple in the water, and Susie didn't seem particularly inhibited. I asked the woman to talk about *her* first time, which was good for the purpose of helping Susie "loosen up," laugh a little, etc. As the night proceeded, I asked other women about their first time, too - knowing that would make Susie feel more comfortable. This was a very successful "strategy."

Later we went back to the hot tub once or twice, when a lot of people were in it. Each little "event" was a big achievement for Susie, and I kept telling her I was "proud" of her (she was proud of me when I stood up against my boss and a totally unjust pay cut last week. LOLOL I won that little battle, too! :-).

Then I went to play volleyball. That was definitely too scary for her on her first night, so she just watched the (4 or 5) games through the glass wall (she said she really enjoyed watching *me* later - which is encouraging after 14 years of marriage :-). I noticed that she was talking freely to other people while I played (she's quite shy), which pleased me.

Driving home, I asked her how she liked it, and she said she did; that she would go again for sure, and that the people were very friendly. She told me it wasn't as hard as she thought it would be, and that (strangely) she felt more uncomfortable around nude women than nude men. I believe it was the beginning of a healing process for her, as she has very painful background experiences of having to wear a cumbersome metal back brace for scoliosis (and all the medical examinations that entails - traumatic and accutely embarrassing for a 12 to 17-year-old girl). Naturism is still a bit scary for her (which is to be expected), but the biggest hurdle by far is behind her and I am pretty sure it will get easier each time (based on my own experience and that of almost all naturists).

So - although it will be a process - we both think that naturism will be a very good "treatment" for her long-running body image and self-image / self-confidence barriers. She said she was proud of herself for going for the first time (I asked), and I kept telling her how proud I was of her, and how happy I was that she liked it. I think this took more guts for her to do than anything I have done in my life. But she is already seeing the benefits of her courageous act. Outwardly and objectively, Susie is a very attractive woman, with beautiful big brown eyes and a well-proportioned 103 lbs on a 5'2" frame, at nearly 40 and after having three children. But that fact by itself can't overcome inner attitudes and conditioning resulting from difficult childhood experiences, as anyone (particularly women) who has struggled with similar "bondages" can readily understand.

We talked on the way home (it's a 50-mile drive) about what a wonderful philosophy and way of life naturism is, how simple and "natural" and innocent a notion it is, and how unfortunate and sad it was that so many people will never comprehend that - the main reason being a pack of lies which are commonly held: that it is sexual in purpose and intent, pornographic, a front for swingers, or orgies, or a singles bar-type atmosphere, etc. How far from the truth! I have been to many church picnics and even church services (being an avid Catholic Christian myself) where there was far more sexual innuendo and amorous game-playing "in the air" than I have ever observed at a nudist event. This simply has to be experienced to be believed. It was the most difficult thing for me to accept and understand - until I went.

I believe this new willingness of Susie to become a naturist will help our marriage, since if she feels better about herself (which I am convinced will be one of the results of this), she will be able to relate better to me and our children. I think it is quite obvious that naturists are people who do feel good about themselves, and so are able to interact freely and comfortably without pretense, suspicion, or cynicism. It is a marvelous, refreshing thing to observe. I have never met friendlier, more attractive (i.e., inner beauty) people anywhere - and I have been involved in many church, college, music, Internet chat, outdoors, political, work-related, and other types of group settings.

Direct quote from Susie:

"I believed in the naturist philosophy, but I had to deal with a lot of fears and emotions, so I had to go and experience naturism for myself to see firsthand that what everyone (mainly my husband) was telling me about it was true. Naturism is an emotionally and psychologically healthy thing, which I believe will be very good for me. Being nude in the water is quite physically pleasurable too."

Barely yours,

Dave